Maybe it's the hair
Dyed-orange haired 40-year-old lady: After spending most of my life overweight, I just ... well, I know I look like shit at 130 pound, but when I USED to be, like
200, well...
-Sparks Street
Maybe you should look in the forest
Guy: It's getting really hard to find wood these days.
-street
Easter = sweet chocolate redemption
Pothead: It's even better than Halloween.
Pothead #2: It's guilt-free.
Pothead: (stuffs face) It's pious of us!
-house
Side effects may include ear biting
Dude: Bird Flu? I ain't afraid of anything that has "bird" in it. Unless it's Mike "Byrd" Tyson, 'cause he'll fuck your shit up!
Overheard by D.
-house
It works better crooked
Lady #1: I'm trying to get him to pee in any way.
Lady #2: Just fold it down.
-Office
Beaver existentialism
Drunk girl #1 staring at beaver t-shirt: It's a beaver. Beaver!
Drunk girl #2: What's it doing?
T-shirt dude: Shaving!
Drunk girl #1: Is a beaver still a beaver if it's shaved?
Drunk girl #2: According to th shirt.
-Downtown bar
You're blowing smoke up my ass
DG #1: So, then you did meet the pope?
DG #2: Oh...yeah.
-government building lobby
Submitted by C.
That's not a suggestion, it's a command
Maintenance guy's radio: Uhh...if the truck's not there...go for another smoke.
-on the street
The medicine of song
Watching Rent: one woman just "dies" from AIDS, then comes back to life after her boyfriend sings a songGirl #1: Oh my gosh, how can she come back to life, she has like pneumonia.
Girl #2: Well, it's the 90s. They had plenty of stuff to cure pneumonia... like songs.
The slippery slope of the karate chop
Metro man: I was wearing my Kung Fu slippers. And I slipped!
-house
Spread the love, baby
Fem dude: You're such a bitch. You should be shot.
Burly dude: You should be spreadeagled on the ground.
-Elgin St.
You know you're drunk when...
Tipsy girl #1: You can't whistle? Is that possible?
Tipsy girl #2: See, I can't whistle. Pfffff. Pffffff.
Drunk dude: I can whistle. Pffff. Pffff. Ohmigod! I forgot how to whistle!
-house
Organ-ic chemistry
Treebiter: (grabs house tree, and bites it)
Bystander: You know, it can't love you back...
Treebiter: Yes, it can. It's a living orgasm.
-house party
He's talking about anti-freeze
Homeless dude: You know, you gotta power drink. It's great 'cause it gets your blood flowing, and keeps you all warm.
-Elgin St.
They live on the dark side
Kid #1: They have an Australian accent -- not to be racist.
Kid #2: How is that racist?
Kid #1: Well, they're bad guys.
-Bus #4
Not to confirm any stereotypes or anything
TV girl: Over there, that's Parliament Hill, and that's the National Archives.
Famous has-been singer: Whoa, so this is, like, our Washington?
TV girl: ... Yeah.
-Car
But they all smoke the same pot
Dopey #1: The Rolling Stones are artists, but the football players are just entertainers.
Dopey #2: The canvas is your listening ear.
-Apartment
In like a lion, out like a mouse
Chick: Um, excuse me! CAN I GET OFF!?! ... back door please.
-#3 bus
Take a magic carpet ride
Dopey #1: How are the rides?
Dopey #2: They're all about transfering you to a magical place.
Dopey #1: Disney World?
Dopey #2: No, Disneyland.
-Apartment
Mick Jagger really illuminates the show
Superbowl halftime fan: It's like a million little people are taking pictures off his shirt. It's like he's projecting when he's taking in.
-House
Munchies gone dopey
Pothead #1: Awww, ketchup chips. But only if they're Old Dutch.
Pothead #2: Yeah, they're the best.
Pothead #1: Yeah.
Pothead #2: They're way ripplier. I mean, if you get the ripply kind.
-Apartment
Musings of the Merry & Muddled
Yuppie dude: When me and Nick, before we were even 10, we used to sleep on the street.
Drunk chick: When you were just babies!... Hey, you live by Eric.
Yuppie dude: Do you even know where we are? The Museum of Nature is right there, baby. We're not even close to your house.
Drunk chick: (shrugs, guzzles from jug)
-Metcalfe St.
Submitted by C.
It was a scorcher
Guy: Hey, I saw you at the fire alarm last night.
Girl: Yeah, Joe hates getting up when he doesn't have to. He's such an asshole.
-Health clinic waiting room
Submitted by C.
