Thursday, March 30, 2006

It works better crooked

Lady #1: I'm trying to get him to pee in any way.
Lady #2: Just fold it down.

-Office

posted by A. @ Thursday, March 30, 2006

Beaver existentialism

Drunk girl #1 staring at beaver t-shirt: It's a beaver. Beaver!
Drunk girl #2: What's it doing?
T-shirt dude: Shaving!
Drunk girl #1: Is a beaver still a beaver if it's shaved?
Drunk girl #2: According to th shirt.

-Downtown bar

posted by A. @ Thursday, March 30, 2006

Saturday, March 18, 2006

You're blowing smoke up my ass

DG #1: So, then you did meet the pope?
DG #2: Oh...yeah.

-government building lobby
Submitted by C.

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006

That's not a suggestion, it's a command

Maintenance guy's radio: Uhh...if the truck's not there...go for another smoke.

-on the street

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006

The medicine of song

Watching Rent: one woman just "dies" from AIDS, then comes back to life after her boyfriend sings a song

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, how can she come back to life, she has like pneumonia.
Girl #2: Well, it's the 90s. They had plenty of stuff to cure pneumonia... like songs.

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006

The slippery slope of the karate chop

Metro man: I was wearing my Kung Fu slippers. And I slipped!

-house

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006

Spread the love, baby

Fem dude: You're such a bitch. You should be shot.
Burly dude: You should be spreadeagled on the ground.

-Elgin St.

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006

You know you're drunk when...

Tipsy girl #1: You can't whistle? Is that possible?
Tipsy girl #2: See, I can't whistle. Pfffff. Pffffff.
Drunk dude: I can whistle. Pffff. Pffff. Ohmigod! I forgot how to whistle!

-house

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006

Organ-ic chemistry

Treebiter: (grabs house tree, and bites it)
Bystander: You know, it can't love you back...
Treebiter: Yes, it can. It's a living orgasm.

-house party

posted by A. @ Saturday, March 18, 2006