Quoted in Ottawa: September 2005

Friday, September 30, 2005

Sept. 30, 2005

Student girl #1: Ya know, guys are all like........ (gestures with crossed index fingers) hisss hisss hisss marriage.
Student girl #2: Yeah.

-Rideau Centre OC Transpo kiosk
Submitted by J.

Guy: I don't like these stairs.
Girl: Why not? They're good for you.
Guy: Yeah, I know. I just don't like where they lead.

-Stairs of office building

Girl: Yeah, I came back here and I was all like where are my stairs that I usually fall down?

-Unicentre, Carleton University

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Sept. 27, 2005

Bearded Dude: I think people who don't like John Lennon don't like music.

-Bridgehead on Bank
Submitted by J.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sept. 26, 2005

Woman #1: Isn't Judy just the nicest lady?
Woman #2: Oh, yes! She is! I had her over for coffee today.
Woman #3: You know, she used to be a man
Woman #2: Oh, I know. She's still got her piece

-gym change room
Submitted by K.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sept. 25, 2005

Guy #1: Didn't your parents ever wash your mouth out with soap?
Pottymouth Chick: My parents think I don't swear.
Guy #2: You're on a swearing jihad.
-office

Chick: Momma always said you shouldn't fuck beneath your class.
-office

Chick: Hey, have you seen "Forty Year Old Virgin" yet?
Guy: I'm looking at one right now.
-office

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Sept. 23, 2005

Chick: I can't believe you think Joni Mitchell is a blathering idiot!!

-Fox & Feather

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Sept. 22, 2005

Chick: I don't have anything to wear except for a t-shirt that says Fuck Off... and a hat.
-Carleton U.

Guy: If you have a comb that says Made in France, then THAT'S where it was made.
-Carleton U.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sept. 21, 2005

Guy #1: Getting married in Vegas is the height of class.
Guy #2: Hey. My parents got married in Vegas.
Guy #1: ... My comment stands.

-Elgin Street Diner
-Submitted by K.

Sept. 19, 2005

Girl #1: You can't put dinosaurs in microwaves.
Girl #2: Yes, you can.

-In the street

Sept. 18, 2005

Worker #1: You want one?
Worker #2: No thanks. Don’t those make you go doo-doo?
Worker #1: What?
Worker #2: Those are After Eight mints? Don’t you eat them after meals to stay regular?

-Office

Sept. 17, 2005

Asking for a table at Elgin Street Diner:
Drunk Girl: Dude, we’re eleven.
Drunk Boy: That is a disgusting number.
Drunk Guy #1 at table (listening to conversation): That’s one of those things that’s not going to be funny tomorrow.
Drunk Guy #2 at table: Yeah, but it’ll be alright on-line.

-Elgin Street Diner

Preppy Guy: That’s the first sign of fatness – a double chin.

-Byward Market

Sept. 13, 2005

Reporter: You don’t really care… just watch them whack it.

-newsroom, on-air

August

Drunk Nephew: Get the fuck off me so I can get my Budweiser.
Drunk Aunt sitting in his lap: OK, OK.

-Trout Lake Hotel, in the boonies

July

Son #2: Trains run on train tracks and cars run on roads.
Son #1: You’re never allowed to run on train tracks.
Son #2: Yeah, they’re dangerous.

- O-Train

June

Mother: Everyone has to wash their hands from all that touching.

- O-Train

Quoted in Ottawa