Word of the Day: men-stroo-nation
Teenybopper #1: Diarrhea!! Haha!! Diarrhea...that's something like my mom would say...
Teenybopper #2: Yeah, then you get older and it's men-stroo-nation. I'm men-stroo-ating.
-#7 Bus
Submitted by C.
Momma always said flaunt what you've got, or bought
Worker to intern: You’re always a hit when you’ve got the fake boobs on!
-Office
Submitted by Penny
A feat for the Guinness Book of World Records
Chick: Call the boss at home. Do you have her number?
Dude: Yeah, I’ve got her on speed dial. I could dial it with a hard-on.
-Office
Submitted by T.
You know you're anorexic when you lose your pee-flap fat
Pottymouth chick: Do you have any fat on your body?
Anorexic chick: Yeah, I do. On my thighs.
Pottymouth chick: Yeah, right. Next you’re going to say your pee-flaps are fat.
-Office
Submitted by T.
Spicy never sounded so appetizing
Office worker: Pick me up a bag of chips -- something spicy.
Pottymouth chick: Something that’ll give you heart burn in your bum bum?
-Office
Submitted by T.
Why do five-star resorts attract high-class idiots?
Ignorant Man 1: I mean, all those five-star resorts in Cancun and thereabouts? They don’t even know how to cook pork properly.
Ignorant Man 2: There’s that misconception about having to overcook pork, so that’s all they know how to do…
Ignorant Man 3: Fuck, I won’t ever go there again on vacation again 'til those people learn how to cook.
-Black Cat Cafe
Submitted by K.
Featuring Kanye West and Ashley MacIsaac
Girl #1: So, do they only play Irish music?
Girl #2: Well, sometimes they play covers...like Spirit of the West.
Girl #1: Kanye West?!
Girl #3: What? Kanye?
Girl #2: No, um, Spirit of the West.
-Heart & Crown
Submitted by C.
Hipster Elf: Fashion or Faux Pas?
Chick: There're elves everywhere!
-Zaphod's
Now You're Blowing White Smoke Out of Your Ass
Worker #1: Everyone can be replaced.
Worker #2: Yeah, everyone can be replaced.... even the pope.
-Office
Submitted by J.
How'd You Like That On Your Criminal Record?
Bad ass teenage girl 1: Yeah, I got grounded again.
Bad ass teenage girl 2: Oh yeah? for breaking the glass at school?
Bad ass teenage girl 1: No, it was when the cops came to my house again.
Bad ass teenage girl 2: Are you and your boyfriend really that loud?
-#97 bus
Submitted by J.
What Other "Realities" Do You Make For Yourself?
Chick 1: So how did your husband propose?
Chick 2: Oh, I told him to. I find that the best realities are the ones you create for yourself.
-House
Submitted by D.
This Conversation Is About to Expire
Gay guy 1: I love the condoms I have right now. They're totally the best.
Gay guy 2: uh.. (a little uncomfortable)
Gay guy 1: ... except I think they're about to expire...
-on the bus
submitted by K.
Maybe Because It's Full of Bureaucrats Like You
Guy to girl: Oooh, yeah, I really like Eighteen. It's just like Social except it doesn't make you hate Ottawa.
-Lobby of government building
Submitted by C.
Oct. 11, 2005
Dude #1: Michael Jackson's a freak.
Dude #2: When you call someone a freak, that really means something.
-officePottymouth chick on cell: That was a great fucking parking job. What were you fucking thinking?
Dweeb #1: What classy language.
Dweeb #2: Yes, just lovely.
-MetcalfeOld fogey to wife: Why on earth would I want to see this thing about Egypt and walking on the moon?
-Canal Boat Tour
Oct. 7, 2005
Lady to other lady: You're shallow and an intellect at the same time... That's why I like you.
-Office
Guy: I always feel like I need man's umbrella. This one is too small.
Girl: Don't worry. Girls don't notice... unless it's puny.
-#7 bus
Oct. 7, 2005
Gray-haired Woman: Repressed anger often leads to depression. Or is it depression leads to repressed anger? Oh well, (laughing aloud) either way you're screwed. -Rideau Centre
Submitted by S. Grumpy Old Man: Don't make fun of handicapped people. They're easier to get drunk.
-Office
Submitted by C.
Oct. 5, 2005
Chick #1: I'd hate the bus if it wasn't so damned convenient.
Chick #2: Yeah, it's too bad we need it.
-#4 bus
Chick #1: She kept pushing me. I was practically humping your leg.
Chick #2: It's a moment I'll cherish forever.
Chick #1: (laugh) She was so tall her ass was in my back the whole ride.
Chick #2: Public transit, bringing strangers together.
Chick#1: In more ways than one.
-#4 bus
Oct. 2, 2005
Uni chick: That baby, like, cries all the time. But she’s not, like, genetically evil or anything.
-Ada's Diner, Bank Street
Submitted by K.
Chick: You call it nasty, I call it flattery.
-Office
Oct. 1, 2005
Hobo woman, shrieking: I don't even like sex anymore!
Hobo man, singing: Where have all the young girls gone...long time passing...I wanna know...
-Bank & Somerset
Submitted by C.
Chick: It's a little harder to find a whore there than in Vanier -- the only drawback."
-Office
Dude: Grab it , squeeze it and suck it.
RE: jello shooters
-Downtown party
Submitted by S.
